THE US ELECTION. BETTER THAN X-FACTOR?

FACT OF THE WEEK: In private God refers to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s baby as ‘My Sistine Chapel’.

SEE THIS: I bet this video bought her an FBI file. For her sake I hope it’s ironic. “Universal healthcare reform, it makes me warm.” WHAT!?!?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKsoXHYICqU&NR=1

MAIN EVENT

In Medieval times Kings and wealthy landowners would often employ a Court Jester to entertain them. These individuals were not comedians per se, usually just mentally ill people that the courtiers would taunt until they cried for the amusement of the king. This form of entertainment still exists, in fact it has proliferated over time though it is now known as reality television.

I’m a huge fan of these kinds of TV programs. They combine the homely charm of a game show with the visceral thrill of driving past a car crash. Like literally everything else, the best reality TV comes from the good old USA. Their programmes, or shows feature better looking people than ours as well as music so dramatic that it basically implies that the couple eliminated in ‘Beauty and the Geek’ is going to be made to play Russian Roulette with each other for the chance to live (I’d watch it).

I think the Americans may have surpassed themselves with their new show though. It’s called ‘The Election’. The format borrows heavily from Survivor: contestants are divided into two tribes - though in ‘The Election’ they’re called parties - and forced to do battle with each other and every now and then – there doesn’t seem to be a logical timetable – the public votes on who they most like. Eventually the winners from both tribes will go head to head and, get this, the winner gets to run the whole of the USA for four years!!

That’s a pretty good prize. God knows how they managed to swing it with the government.

The tribes in ‘The Election’ are called Republican and Democrat - the names aren’t as good as in Survivor I know.

The Democrats have done a pretty good job of eliminating each other and now there’s only two left, bubbly blonde Hilary and token black guy Barak. Hilary wasn’t doing too well for a while but then she won the public over by accidentally crying on TV. Barak likes to talk about change, he’s a big fan of change; ‘America needs change’ etc. I agree totally. Without change all prices would have to be in multiples of five or ten, buying chewing gum would be brutal. I’m going for Obama.

The Republican tribe is more competitive. It’s basically a race between four white men, the most interesting being Rudy and Mike. Mike is overweight and balding and seems to think that standing next to a lean martial-arts star will make him look better. His policies include Chuck Norris and playing the electric guitar. Rudy is the ex major of New York. According to my blogging friend Billy-Joe from Iowa his hobbies include abortion and gay marriage. He also single-handedly gave New Yorkers hope after 9/11 by wearing baseball caps and hugging firemen. He’s modest too, he won’t talk about it. The only people who ever mention it are his campaign team and press briefers.

I’ve got no idea how it’ll all turn out. Can’t wait to find out though.